Step Back to the Present



I started this blog to share the human experience and the interpretation of it through my reality. Mostly taking the form as a selfishly therapeutic outlet for me to take the craziness from inside my head and get it out into a physical form. In the inevitability that I lose my mind, remember these words and not whatever I may be mumbling.  Although at times, it may sound like I’ve already lost my mind and I am wearing a tin foil hat, which I am not..yet.

“I reject your reality and substitute my own.” – Adam Savage

We all have the power to shape our own reality. We all need a release from the modern-day stressors. It’s finding a healthy release that isn’t detrimental to our own self that is the challenge and breaking free of the rinse, rather, repeat cycle of life we can find ourselves on:

Work at a shitty job you hate and stresses you out, eat food that’s unhealthy and kills you, pay bills you hate, drink or do drugs to forget about the things that are stressful, take medication to function in public, sleep, and repeat.

Side bar about the food thing – Isn’t it insane how much we’ve manipulated our foods with man-made chemicals and genetics that we are now killing our own Earth that provides everything for us? Side bar over.

I’ve fallen into this cycle far too many times. The stress of trying to please everyone and live up to ridiculously, mostly self-inflicted, expectations while daydreaming of the future. For the past some odd years of my life  I’ve been looking towards that future and forgetting to enjoy the present. Most of my actions in the present would be for some magic paradise I thought was coming to me in the future. Much like chasing the end of a rainbow, you never reach it. It is tough to just be in the present in such a chaotically rushed world. Jobs, bills, and, chores all need to be done fast and efficiently so we can watch some mind numbing TV or go shopping for the latest technology we don’t need just to escape our realities for a moment. I’ve fallen victim to this “American Dream” more than I’d like to admit.  Chasing things that society tells me I need like a college degree, a well-paying job, a family by age 30, a nice car and a big house. When I stop and actually look at what I’m doing, none of it resonates with me. That’s not the person I want to be. I want to be a compassionate person, respectful to the beauty of this world and the creatures within it. I’m not in any hurry to get to the end of my rainbow. In fact, I’m actively trying to prolong my ride. The lyrics from an Alabama song my parents played when I was growing up come to mind, “I’m in a hurry to get things done and I rush and rush until life’s no fun. All I really got to do is live and die but I’m in a hurry and don’t know why.”


You’re rewarded it seems to rush through life being precisely on time everywhere, eating unhealthily, and taking drugs to cope.  Creativity is falling to the wayside. Or they say to be creative BUT within certain guidelines. We are all being desensitized and what for? Money. That is what buys quality of life after all.  Until the population becomes too much for the Earth to handle. Then water and land become the source of quality of life. That future may be closer than we think with the destructive greed driven path we are on. Destroying the oceans and rainforests to name a few.  Money is what motivates the vast majority. That leads to corruption, greed, and instability. Love should be the motivator. The thing that gets us up in the morning.

BREATHE! It’s hard to stay in the moment and send out positive messages of love when society rushes us along to succeed and get promoted and move up into the upper echelons of life. It’s difficult to stay on a rushed schedule like that without turning to drugs (prescription or not) and alcohol. Some sort of release from that stress is necessary for us to survive past the age of 35 with a small fraction of our sound mind left. I struggled with this for years. Trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life at a young age when I had no idea what the world had to offer. I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb myself from those choices.  I stayed in that realm for years battling crippling anxiety in between hangovers. Walking through life in a robotic fog.

As if the universe was looking down upon me and knew that I needed a hand to get out of the destructive path I was on, the most beautiful and important person walked into my life. Ironically, I met her at a party. At the age of 22, it couldn’t have been at a better point in my life. Partying was what I looked forward to every day. It was my source of joy in life and what I held onto most. In between that there were boughts of extreme anxiety from the hangovers and my body trying to rid itself of toxins.  Coupled with the stress from still living in my parent’s basement and not knowing what to do with my short time on this planet. It’s enough to drive someone to the doctor asking for medication. A drastic diet change and dropping the drugs and alcohol was a necessary shift needed to avoid that doctors office trip. Without the support from the lovely lady I’m lucky enough to call my better half, I wonder what ghostly path my life might have went down.

Stress and anxiety are a constant force but through meditation, a vegan lifestyle, avoiding toxins, exercise, and enjoyable hobbies, it’s more manageable than ever. Stress is the big factor that tends to have a dominant control over thoughts and mood. Stress over an obscure amount of student loans for a degree I’m not proud of or use, bills, finding a passionate job, and finding time to enjoy life. Sometimes (most of the time) I think it’d be easier if it was still a barter economy. Less stress with less luxury. I think that’s why living in a hobbit hole out in the woods is so appealing to me.

If anyone reading this needs someone to talk to about their own stresses or anxieties, I’m here. Know that you are not alone. You’re never alone. Life is a grand roller coaster ride with ups and downs and everything in-between. Just know love is always around you and within you.  Choose love over fear. Always.

The choice is ours and no one else’s for who WE want to be. What kind of person we want to be right now, in this moment. I choose love over fear. Love for the animals, the trees, nature, and all walks of life on this planet equally. I want to see our shared Earth and all the creatures within become healthier. We have the power. The unity IS within us. We are all star dust after all.


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